Aurat Hi Aurat Ki Dushman? – The Toxicity of Age-Old Accusations
Let’s Replace Blame with Support Among Women
If there were an Olympics for the most overused phrases in Indian households, "Aurat hi aurat ki dushman hoti hai" (A woman is another woman’s worst enemy) would win gold every time. It’s the go-to dialogue for every soap opera, neighborhood gossip, and well-meaning but slightly nosy grandmothers. But before we accept this as some universal truth, let’s pause and ask: Who started this narrative? And more importantly, who benefits from it?
The Divide-and-Rule Strategy
For generations, society has pitted women against each other—mothers-in-law versus daughters-in-law, working women versus homemakers, young girls versus older women. It’s like an eternal reality show where the audience enjoys the spectacle of women tearing each other down. But here’s the catch: this idea did not originate with women. It’s a product of deeply ingrained patriarchy, one that thrives when women are too busy fighting amongst themselves to challenge the real power structures.
When an elderly woman criticizes her daughter-in-law for ‘modern’ behavior, she isn’t always acting out of sheer malice. More often than not, she’s simply repeating what she was once subjected to. The cycle of internalized bias is like a never-ending WhatsApp forward—passed down from generation to generation, unquestioned and unchallenged.
The Myth of the ‘Catfight’
Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard someone say, "Men fight and forget; women hold grudges forever." This assumption paints women as naturally vindictive, which is unfair and incorrect. Women are not biologically wired to bring each other down; they’ve just been conditioned into an environment that encourages competition over scarce resources—whether it’s a limited number of seats at the leadership table or the title of ‘perfect’ daughter-in-law.
Think about how we treat men’s disagreements versus women’s. When two men argue, it’s called a ‘clash of egos’ or a ‘power struggle.’ But when two women disagree, it’s a ‘catfight.’ Even language itself frames female disagreements as petty while giving men the benefit of strategic thinking.
Who Benefits from Women Fighting?
Imagine a world where women supported each other instead of competing. Workplaces would be more equitable, families would be more peaceful, and society as a whole would function better. But if that happens, who loses? Systems that rely on keeping women in secondary roles.
As long as women are busy scrutinizing each other’s choices—why she didn’t take her husband’s surname, why she isn’t having kids yet, why she chose a career over family—society avoids addressing bigger questions:
Why is unpaid domestic labor still expected of women?
Why are leadership roles still male-dominated?
Why do we still equate a woman’s success with her ability to ‘manage everything effortlessly’?
Breaking the Cycle: How Women Can Lift Each Other Up
Challenge Stereotypes in Daily Life: If someone says, "Women can never be real friends," ask them why they think that. Many women have lifelong friendships that are deeply supportive.
Call Out Unfair Criticism: The next time you hear a woman being judged for her choices—whether it’s her clothes, career, or parenting style—speak up. Ask, "Would we say the same thing if a man made this choice?"
Support Across Generations: Instead of dismissing older women as ‘traditional’ or younger women as ‘too modern,’ let’s recognize that every woman is navigating her own struggles. A mother-in-law who criticizes her daughter-in-law might just need a conversation about shifting societal expectations. A young woman rejecting certain traditions isn’t necessarily being ‘disrespectful’—she’s just redefining what works for her.
Expand the Definition of Womanhood: Not every woman will marry. Not every woman will have children. Not every woman will choose a corporate career. And that’s okay. Let’s celebrate the diverse paths women take instead of enforcing a one-size-fits-all blueprint for ‘good women.’
The Final Thought: A Woman’s Ally is Another Woman
It’s time to retire the phrase "Aurat hi aurat ki dushman" and replace it with something far more empowering: "Aurat hi aurat ki taqat" (A woman is another woman’s strength). Every time we support, mentor, and uplift another woman, we’re not just breaking an old stereotype—we’re building a stronger, more inclusive future.
The next time you hear someone utter the age-old accusation, challenge it. Because if we stop believing in it, we stop giving it power. And once that happens, nothing can hold women back.